Life isn’t a straight line—it’s a spiral. The key to growth is knowing where you are on it.
We often imagine transformation as a clear “before and after,” as if growth were a one-way road that never bends back on itself. But real change rarely works like that. Instead, it moves like a spiral—sometimes upward, sometimes downward, often revisiting old places but with new perspective.
The spiral can feel confusing. You might wonder, “Why am I facing this same struggle again? Didn’t I already learn this lesson?” But the truth is, revisiting isn’t failure—it’s formation. The spiral allows you to return to familiar ground with greater wisdom, showing you how far you’ve come and what you still need to release.
The challenge, then, is learning how to recognize where you are in the spiral. Because once you know, you can respond with clarity instead of confusion.
The Spiral of Growth
The spiral is made up of recurring stages—recognition, resistance, release, realignment, and rise. Each stage plays its role, and each one repeats as you grow through new challenges.
Unlike a straight staircase, the spiral loops. That means you may find yourself facing similar emotions, triggers, or regrets again. But if you’re spiraling upward, you’re meeting them with more wisdom than the last time.
How to Spot Your Stage in the Spiral
1. Recognition: The Wake-Up Call
This is when something in your life catches your attention. Maybe it’s pain that won’t go away, a regret that resurfaces, or a habit that no longer feels right. Recognition feels like a spotlight: “This is where I am. This needs my attention.”
How to spot it: You feel restless, aware of something misaligned. It’s the whisper or the nudge that won’t leave you alone.
2. Resistance: The Inner Battle
Once recognition comes, resistance follows. You know something needs to change, but you don’t want to face it. You make excuses, delay, or deny. Resistance feels heavy, like dragging your feet through mud.
How to spot it: You catch yourself saying, “It’s not that bad,” or “I’ll deal with it later.” You feel tension, but you keep clinging anyway.
3. Release: The Surrender Point
Eventually, the weight of resistance becomes too heavy. Release is when you finally wave the white flag. You stop fighting to control what’s breaking you and allow yourself to let go.
How to spot it: You feel both grief and relief at once. Tears might come. Silence might settle. Release is both an ending and a beginning.
4. Realignment: The Reset
After release comes realignment. This is when you ask: What matters most now? You start reshaping habits, values, or boundaries to align with your new clarity.
How to spot it: You feel lighter, clearer. You begin experimenting with new choices. There’s a sense of possibility, even if it’s fragile.
5. Rise: The New Strength
Finally, the spiral brings you upward. You notice progress—you’re stronger, freer, more grounded than before. The same triggers don’t hold the same power. You rise into a new version of yourself.
How to spot it: You look back and realize, “I would have handled this differently before.” You feel proud of your growth, even if you know the spiral isn’t over.
The Trap of Thinking You’re Back at the Beginning
When the spiral loops and you face an old struggle again, it’s easy to think you’ve regressed. But that’s not the truth. You’re not at the same spot—you’re higher up the spiral. You’re revisiting with more tools, more resilience, more clarity.
Think of it like walking up a mountain trail that spirals around the peak. You may see the same tree again, but this time you’re looking at it from higher ground.
Why Spotting Your Stage Matters
When you know where you are in the spiral, you know how to respond. If you’re in recognition, don’t pressure yourself to have all the answers—just pay attention. If you’re in resistance, be compassionate with yourself while still nudging toward courage. If you’re in release, allow the grief. If you’re in realignment, focus on small, consistent steps. And if you’re in rise, celebrate—without assuming you’ll never loop again.
Spotting your stage gives you patience. It shifts your question from “Why am I here again?” to “What am I learning this time?”
Practical Steps to Locate Yourself
- Journal Your Emotions. Write down what you’re feeling most often. Restless? Heavy? Relieved? Hopeful? Your emotions often signal your spiral stage.
- Track Your Patterns. Notice if old habits or regrets are resurfacing. Instead of assuming failure, ask: “What new perspective do I have this time?”
- Ask the Spiral Questions:
- What am I noticing? (Recognition)
- What am I resisting? (Resistance)
- What am I releasing? (Release)
- What am I realigning with? (Realignment)
- How am I rising? (Rise)
Answering these can place you exactly where you are.
Everyday Spiral Stories
- A woman recognizes her constant exhaustion isn’t normal (recognition). She resists stepping back from work, fearing others’ opinions (resistance). Eventually, she admits she can’t keep this pace (release). She redefines her schedule and boundaries (realignment). Months later, she’s healthier, calmer, and stronger (rise).
- A man struggles with forgiveness. He recognizes the bitterness still lingers (recognition). He resists letting it go, clinging to anger as protection (resistance). When the burden grows unbearable, he chooses to release (release). Slowly, he rebuilds trust and shifts how he relates to others (realignment). Over time, he notices his joy return (rise).
Both show how the spiral is not failure—it’s formation.
White Flagging and the Spiral
In White Flagging: The Surprising Power of Winning by Surrender, the spiral is central. The book explains that growth isn’t a one-time event but a rhythm of surrender. By recognizing your stage in the spiral, you avoid self-condemnation and embrace transformation.
The white flag becomes your compass. Instead of getting lost in resistance or weighed down by regret, you learn when to surrender, when to reset, and how to rise.
Final Thought
You are not lost in circles. You are moving through a spiral. Even when old struggles resurface, you’re not back at the start—you’re higher, wiser, stronger.
The question isn’t whether the spiral will turn again. The question is: Will you recognize your stage and embrace it with grace?
👉 Learn how to navigate the spiral and discover strength in surrender with White Flagging: The Surprising Power of Winning by Surrender. Order your copy today: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FJ9R8Y4Q